How to train your human.

There are some things that mummy thinks are not safe for me to go too close to or sometimes we might come across a dog 🐶 out for a walk as well. Then of course there’s trees which when I’m really running around, chasing insects I might not always remember where they are.

Walking on a lead with mummy isn’t as easy as it may sounds and definitely not like walking a dog. For mummy it’s what she describes as a contemplative time, It’s all a bit random. I’m not all about just blindly (pun intended) following mummy like a dog, walking or running along next to her, I’m all about exploring, smelling the scents around me, finding out who’s been around, what I can hunt. This means that walkies involves a completely random pattern as I follow one thing and then ooh there’s another good scent to follow, then I hear a bird noise, then a leaf rustles – what’s that noise? I’d better chase it just to make sure that it knows I’m here and ready to defend mummy against whatever is out there! Sometime though I run and jump just because I can (outdoor zoomies). You get the picture.

Mummy and I have had to develop a type of walk etiquette, it’s taken a bit of time to perfect and it’s not only me learning what mummy wants but her learning what I want too. We have to trust each other and that’s ok because I trust mummy completely. She wouldn’t let me hurt myself or anything hurt me and I’d always try to defend mummy specially against the falling leaves which seem to attack more when it’s windy – the wind disguises their attack pattern…anyway back to walkies.

Where we walk sometimes there are the noises of cars and people below. When I first heard these I wondered what this was, were these people living underground or are our gardens in the air? I kept wanting to find out what was underneath us. Mummy explained that there is an underground car park where we live and every so often there are big metal vents coming up to where we walk in the gardens which are covered with what mummy calls grilles. Mummy said that I wasn’t to walk on the vents as they could be dangerous to me as there are holes everywhere and I might get my leg caught. If I’m running towards them and get very close then mummy gives me a quick sharp tug on the lead so I know to stop and change direction. I know that I have an amazing sense of balance and wouldn’t hurt myself as I have cat like reflexes but mummy worries so I let her be in charge around the vents so she can enjoy our walkies as much as I do.

Both mummy and I have had to learn how we both can work together without either of us getting wrapped round a tree. We have done a little bit of trial and error and I now know that if there is a gentle pull from the lead it’s mummy trying to tell me to go in that direction. Sometimes it’s because there’s a tree in the way and sometimes it’s just be because it’s time to head home.

One advantage I have found of being on a lead is that when I go exploring in the bushes, stalking the birds and following the smells of the animals I can sometimes get a bit lost and turned around. When this happens I’ve realised that I don’t need to worry, I’ve realised that the lead pulls ever so slightly on the harness in whichever direction mummy is and so I can follow the direction of that pressure and head back to find mummy.

I said that the learning goes both ways and sometimes I have to teach mummy, she sometimes wants to finish walkies before I’m ready to go home. If I don’t want to go in then the only way I can really tell mummy (and stop her trying to nudge me in) is to just sit down. Then it becomes a battle of wills, I’m happy to sit there all day but then I hear a jangly noise and I need to know what it is so off to explore what it is, it’s coming from mummy’s direction and before I realise I hear the noise of the big door opening and we’re inside. Mummy’s tricked me, I thought I was training mummy but I think she’s training me instead, I’m not sure quite how it happened but I must try hard to make sure that it doesn’t happen again.

Outdoors mummy’s the boss but inside, that’s my domain…

There’s only really two things that I think are worth training mummy and daddy to do, playing and taking me walkies. Peppar doesn’t agree, food is his favourite thing so that’s what he worked hard training mummy and daddy to do. He likes to be fed on schedule, I’m not so bothered but when it’s near to dinner time he heads to the kitchen every time mummy or daddy get up and sits in the middle of the floor telling them it’s time for food. Daddy and mummy are amazed and always say to him what an amazing body clock he’s got. Daddy the ins he’s got a Rolex inside him! I’m not sure what that means but I think it’s a complement. He does the same in the mornings when mummy and daddy don’t have to go to work and are still in bed, if telling them doesn’t work or get them out of bed, Peppar runs across the bed and jumps on daddy’s tummy. Daddy says some words that mummy says I shouldn’t remember or repeat and gets up and gets our breakfast sorted.

My tactic of getting mummy and daddy to do what I want is quite simple, I just need to tell them loudly, clearly and over and over again what I want. For walkies I roll around but the front door meowing, then if they don’t listen I walk round the flat telling them, take me out, I want to go out, when are we going walkies? I want to go now, when are we going? when? when? now? Eventually when I’ve shouted enough the cupboard door opens (this is where my harness is) and I know that they have understood what I have been saying. Mummy says “alright then Jenny off we go”.

I love to be the centre of attention and should be all the time. I do whatever I can to have daddy and mummy’s attention but sometimes they don’t understand what I’m trying to tell them and I can hear in their voices that they are getting frustrated. I forget that they don’t speak cat like Peppar and I do so I keep trying to tell them, louder and louder and more and more until eventually they’ll get the idea and play with me, that’s all I really want, for them to play with me all day, every day.

The key to training your human is to make them think everything is their idea. If that doesn’t work then just do something cute and that should do the job too and get you some attention.